skibigsky's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Better. I think. I’m feeling better. Let me back up though. Mr. V. crunched his ankle skiing yesterday, blowing him out of the slalom races this weekend. In truth, this is, I’m not heartbroken; I’m not skiing well, and I wasn’t excited about the races. Again, I’m not really excited about racing at all. So while I will likely train this winter, I’m still debating as to whether I’ll race. We’ll see. Maybe as I feel better, I’ll feel more inspired on the ski racing front. Mr. V. has an MRI on Monday – it is not clear if he’s got a fracture, or just soft tissue damage – and that will likely make a difference regarding the ski racing thing, as well. Anyway. Back to feeling better. Now that I’m aware that I’m profoundly depressed, I think I can deal with it. The doctor’s appointment I had last week had to be rescheduled because of Mr. V.’s crash. I’ll see her next week, and along with the usual annual exam, I’m going to talk to her about the depression, and see if she can recommend a good therapist. I think I need to talk to someone. I really don’t want to go the drug route, if I can avoid it, but I don’t want to keep feeling like this. So, making the decision to talk to the MD has me feeling better. I’m also feeling better because I went cross-country skiing for the first time this season today. I sucked, I think I may need an inhaler (I know that I’ve got sports-induced asthma, and the cold air exacerbates it), and I only made it 6K before I called it quits. But I got out by myself. Yeah, my technique sucked, but that is okay; it was refreshing to do something without getting feedback from coaches. I just got out and did it. And again, it sucked. It was tough, and I had to stop about 5 times, even though I was pretty much just on the flats (as flat as you can get here). But if I do this daily, or even 4-5 times a week, I’ll start to drop some of the weight I’ve gained, I’ll lean out, and, most importantly, I’ll have some quality me time. (Until Mr. V. gets healthy. And then? Eh. Dunno. But I’ll worry about that later.) So, yeah, I’m feeling better. Not great, but I’ve got a plan. And as long as Mr. V. doesn’t really try to change my plan, I think I will become okay. One step at a time, though. Thanks for all the notes, BTW. I appreciate it. The gods know I need a little stroking right now. And if that's needy, so be it. I'm needy. 5:38 p.m. - 14 December 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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